Sunday, 14 February 2016

Stuck in the pram again!!


Hi all

Well after finally seeing my plastic surgeon again he suggested that I need an M.R.I to check out what's causing the pain this time rather than just cutting me open and having a look around.
I can now put my leg on after getting a longer end pin and having the bottom of the socket made wider, but after only a few steps it's like walking on a blister that gets worse the more I walk on it. There's a lump at the back and something wrong at the bottom right hand side and I think when he took the cyst out he trapped a nerve. Because when I push down on the end when walking a shooting pain runs up the front of my thigh. Basically its all fucked.
I have the date for my M.R.I in 4 weeks then a review 2 weeks after. Then surgery probably a couple of weeks after that. So by May all surgery should have been done and I'm healing.
I decided I wanted to treat myself and booked to go to Disney land in Florida in June. I've never been on a long flight before or to another country but it looks more likely I will be in my pram for this.
I quit my role play group in January because I couldn't deal with going to the pub (where its held) on my crutches or in my chair, they did offer to go to the host house and even to come to me. But I've found that I started to get social anxiety leading up to games night and found myself more and more making excuses not to go. I know it's me being silly but I didn't want any attention or compromises made for me, I didn't want to be pitied. I know I wasn't, I know my friends mean well and they were just out to game where ever that might be held, but when your down you think these silly things.
I still socialise on face book and I'm going to an event in April where I will see friends. But at the moment it's taken a lot of stress off my mind just deciding to be on my own for a while.
Another thing that bothered me today was my sister posted pictures of her, and her husband showing off her new cycle gear. She had bought her first bike and really liked it and would be cycling with him now regularly. When I saw her picture in the lycra and goggles all I could see was me. I have always been a strong person and it's got me through many tough things in my life, but my sister has and always will be a girly, girl. If anything happened to her especially to her face I don't think she could take it, I will worry for her now.
So this is a down post today I'm afraid. I thought after the cyst had been taken out I would be back walking by now, but no it's worse, roll on March.