Thursday, 14 February 2013

Dark nights of winter


Sorry i haven't posted for a while, I've been having more bad days than good of late.
I promised myself that i would be honest with you on this blog and tell you how it really is when you become an amputee.
You have to put a brave face on for family and friends and along with the medication it can be very tiring.

You don't really know much about my background, but i have been a fighter from the moment i was born.
i was born breach and too late to turn came out arse first and blue, i had to be put in an oxygen tank for my first few hours of life.

Then at one year old there was an accident and i got scolded with boiling water badly burning my chest, the scars of which i still have today.

I was also diagnosed with a squint and had to wear a patch during my infant years, which i thought was cool as i looked like a pirate, then came the NHS specs.

Then when i was a teenager i slipped off a canal wall and landed on my feet cracking both the balls of my ankles. My mum took me to the G.P and he said i had sprained them and encouraged her to get me to walk on them!...after a week of pushing myself around on my skate board i was taken to hospital and put in casts for 6 weeks.

Then when i was in my twenty's i became very ill, vomiting, couldn't keep food down got miss diagnosed for 3 years as a stomach bug, when all it took was one blood test and i was diagnosed with Heli-Bacta polori (a nasty bug that hides under your stomach acids) it took two lots of anti-biotics to clear it up but by then i had ruined my stomach/bowels and got IBS and lactose intolerance. Over the years I've slowly built back up the things i could eat, but still can't have ice cream yet.

Then on my 30th year i broke up with my long term partner (12 years) turns out he'd been seeing someone else for the last 3 years. So kicked him out, and two years later i lost my leg. (Just call me Lucky!!)

But through all that i have kept going, if i wanted to i could dwell on how crappy life has been to me but i have had so many good memories, and my dogs to keep me sane.

The only things that have been getting to me at the moment is that I'm stuck at my parents house (back after 7 years away is hell, as you can imagine) until my old house is done up to rent out then I'm going to move into a bungalow.  It keeps snowing so I'm trapped inside, and I've started to put on weight because I'm not cycling to work. (eating junk food isn't helping). Also I've missed a year of socialising, I've kept in touch with friends on face book and i could get back into things if i wanted, but a part of me doesn't want to and i find that i don't like being around people too long. I know once i get my limb sorted and summer comes i will be out again it's just these dark months get you down.

In February I'm due my next leg which has hydraulics and a tilting ankle so i will post picks and tell you how that goes. x